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Cooking Jokes and Humor
Definitions of Cooking Terms
Calorie:
Basic measure of the amount of rationalization offered by the average
individual prior to taking a second helping of a particular food.
Coffee (Arabian):
Thick, black, bitter coffee, traditionally served in tiny cups at gunpoint.
Microwave Oven:
Space-age kitchen appliance that uses the principle of radar to locate
and immediately destroy any food placed within the cooking compartment.
Oven:
Compact home incinerator used for disposing of bulky pieces of meat
and poultry.
Preheat:
To turn on the heat in an oven for a period of time before cooking a
dish, so that the fingers may be burned when the food is put in, as
well as when it is removed.
Porridge:
Thick oatmeal rarely found on American tables since children were granted
the right to sue their parents. The name is an amalgamation of the words
"Putrid," "hORRId," and "sluDGE."
Recipe:
A series of step-by-step instructions for preparing ingredients you
forgot to buy, in utensils you don't own, to make a dish the dog won't
eat the rest of.
Tongue:
A variety of meat, rarely served because it clearly crosses the line
between a cut of beef and a piece of dead cow.
Yogurt:
Semi-solid dairy product made from partially evaporated and fermented
milk. Yogurt is one of only three foods that taste exactly the same
as they sound. The other two are goulash and squid.
The one thing I've learned from all my years of cooking is that it's
always quietest just before the fire alarm.
A Thought: A woman who dresses to kill probably cooks the same.
A baker quit making doughnuts because he got tired of the hole business.
"I put instant coffee in a microwave and almost went back in time."
- Steven Wright
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