Diet Jokes and Dieting Humor

A dietitian was once addressing a large audience in Chicago. "The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Vegetables can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the germs in our drinking water."

Continued the dietician, "But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all; and all of us eat it. Can anyone here tell me what lethal product I'm referring to? You, sir, in the first row, please give us your idea." The man lowered his head and replied, "Wedding cake?"

Did you hear about the gourmet who avoids unfashionable restaurants because he doesn't want to gain weight in the wrong places?

A mother complained to her doctor about her daughter's strange eating habits. "All day long she lies in bed and eats yeast and car wax. What will happen to her?" "Eventually," said the doctor, "she will rise and shine!"

Diet Definitions from MrsMegaByte's Glossary

Balanced Diet: A cookie in each hand.

Dieting: Breaking the pound barrier.

Destiny: Rich foods are like destiny. They, too, shape our ends.

Sandwich Spread: That which you get from eating between meals.

Seafood Diet: When you see food ... you eat it.

Stressed: The word "stressed" makes perfect sense when you realize that it is "desserts" spelled backwards.

Successful Diet: The triumph of mind over platter.

MrsMegaByte's Dieting Tips

On a diet? Go to the paint store - you can get thinner there.

A great way to lose weight is to eat naked in front of a mirror. Restaurants will almost always throw you out before you can eat too much...

A Point to Ponder ...
When a clock is hungry, does it go back four seconds?

Diet Jokes | 1 | 2 | 3 | Humorous Diets | 4 | 5 | 6 |