Food Jokes and Chocolate Humor
Food Spoilage Table
THE GAG TEST
Anything that makes you gag is spoiled (except for leftovers from what
you cooked for yourself last night).
Any canned goods that have become the size or shape of a basketball
should be disposed of - carefully.
A carrot that you can tie a clove hitch in is not fresh.
If you can take it out of its container and bounce it on the floor,
it has gone bad.
Milk is spoiled when it starts to look like yogurt. Yogurt is spoiled
when it starts to look like cottage cheese. Cottage cheese is spoiled
when it starts to look like regular cheese. Regular cheese is nothing
but spoiled milk anyway and can't get any more spoiled than it is already.
When something starts pecking its way out of the shell, the egg is probably
past its prime.
Frozen foods that have become an integral part of the defrosting problem
in your freezer compartment will probably be spoiled - (or wrecked anyway)
by the time you pry them out with a kitchen knife.
Lettuce is spoiled when you can't get it off the bottom of the vegetable
crisper without Comet.
If it makes you violently ill after you eat it, the mayonnaise is spoiled.
If opening the refrigerator door causes stray animals from a three-block
radius to congregate outside your house, the meat is spoiled.
Fresh potatoes do not have roots, branches, or dense, leafy undergrowth.
It should not taste like salad dressing.
GENERAL RULE OF THUMB:
Most food cannot be kept longer than the average life span of a hamster.
Keep a hamster in your refrigerator to gauge this.