Food Jokes and Chocolate Humor

Oh, Candy Baby!

It was another Payday and I was tired of Mr. Goodbar. I saw Miss Hershey standing behind the Powerhouse on the corner of Clark and Fifth Avenue when I whipped out my Whopper and whispered, "Hey Sweetart, how'd you like to Crunch on my big hunk for a Million Dollar Bar?"

Well, she immediately went down on my Tootsie Roll, and it was like pure Almond Joy! I couldn't help but grab her delicious Mounds because it was easy to see that this little Twix had the Red Hots.

It was all I could do to hold the Snickers and Krackle as my Butterfinger went up her tight little Kit Kat and she started to scream, "Oh Henry, Oh Henry!" Soon she was fondling my Peter Paul and ZagNuts and I knew it wouldn't be long before I blew my Milk Duds clear to Mars that gave her a taste of the old Milky Way.

She asked me if I was into M&M, but I said, "Hey Chicklet, no kinky stuff." I said, "Look you little Reese's Pieces, don't be a Zero, Be a Lifesaver. Why don't you take my Watchamacallit and slip it up your Bit ~O~ Honey?" (What a piece of Juicy Fruit she was too!)

She screamed, "Oh Crackerjack, better than the Three Musketeers!" As I rammed my Ding Dong up her Rocky Road and into her Peanut Butter Cup. Well, I was giving it to her Good ~N~ Plenty, when all of a sudden ... My Starburst!

As luck would have it, she started to grow Chunky and complained of a Wrigley in her stomach. Sure enough, nine months later, out popped ... a Baby Ruth!

M&M FAQs

Q: How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies?
A: You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor.

Q: Why do blondes hate M&Ms?
A: They're too hard to peel.

Q: What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory?
A: Proofreading.

Q: Do you know why the blonde got fired from the M&M factory?
A: For throwing out the Ws.

Q: How do you confuse a blonde?
A: Ask him to alphabetize a bag of M&Ms.

Q: Why don't they make white M&M's?

A: Because they'd enslave the black M&M's, steal all the red M&Ms' land, hunt the blue M&M's to extinction, accuse the yellow M&M's of obstructing trade, start a panic that the little green M&M's were invading the Earth, and complain that the damn brown M&M's were taking all their jobs.

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