How to Survive the Holidays - Holiday Humor

Christmas Jokes

Top 10 Things That Sound Dirty on Christmas, But Aren't

10. Did you get any under the tree?

9. I think your balls are hanging too low.

8. Check out Rudolph's honker!

7. Santa's sack is really bulging.

6. Lift up the skirt so I can get a clean breath.

5. Did you get a piece of the fruitcake?

4. I love licking the end till it's really sharp and pointy.

3. From here you can't tell if they're artificial or real.

2. Can I interest you in some dark meat?

1. To get it to stand up straight, try propping it against the wall.

Two daughters had been given parts in a Christmas pageant at their Church. At dinner that night, they got into an argument as to who had the most important role.

Finally the 10-year-old said to her younger sister, "Well you just ask Mom. She'll tell you it's much harder to be a virgin than it is to be an angel."

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the naughty girls live.

Christmas Card Sent From a
Democrat to His Republican Friend:

The election is over, the results are known,
the will of the people has clearly been shown.

Let's forget the quarrels and show by our deeds,
we will give our leader all the help that he needs.

So let's all get together, and let bitterness pass,
I'll hug your elephant and you kiss my ass.

Halloween | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | Thanksgiving | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 |
Christmas | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 |
| 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | Hanukkah | 18 |
Other Occasions and Holidays | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 |