How to Survive the Holidays - Holiday Humor

Christmas Jokes

Twas the Day After Christmas

Twas the day after Christmas, and all through the house,
Every creature was hurtin', even the mouse.

The toys were all broken, their batteries dead;
Santa passed out, with some ice on his head.

Wrapping and ribbons just covered the floor,
while upstairs the family continued to snore.

And I in my T-shirt, new Reeboks and jeans,
I went into the kitchen and started to clean.

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the sink to see what was the matter.

Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the curtains, and threw up the sash.

When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a little white truck, with an oversized mirror.

The driver was smiling, so lively and grand;
The patch on his jacket said "U.S. POSTMAN."

With a handful of bills, he grinned like a fox,
Then quickly he stuffed them into our mailbox.

Bill after bill, after bill, they still came.
Whistling and shouting he called them by name:
"Now Dillard's, now K-Mart's,
now Sears and Walmart's.
Here's Penney's, Levitz's, Target and Mervyn's.
To the tip of your limit, every store, every mall,
You charged away - charged away - charged away all!"

He whooped and he whistled as he finished his work.
He filled up the box, and then turned with a jerk.

He sprang to his truck and he drove down the road,
Driving much faster with just half a load.

Then I heard him exclaim with great holiday cheer,
"Enjoy what you got ... you'll be paying all year!"

I haven't taken my Christmas lights down yet ... They look so nice on the pumpkin.

At Christmas we always exchange presents. I exchange the one she gives me, she exchanges the one I give her.

Halloween | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | Thanksgiving | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 |
Christmas | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 |
| 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | Hanukkah | 18 |
Other Occasions and Holidays | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 |