Holiday Jokes & Humor
Martha Stewart Parody


How to Survive the Holidays - Holiday Humor

Christmas Jokes

Two high-powered executives, Garth and Bob staggered out of their company Christmas party in New York City. Bob started crossing the street, while Garth accidentally stumbled into a subway entrance.

When Bob reached the other side he turned to notice Garth emerging from the subway stairs. "Where've you been?" Bob slurred.

"I don't know," replied Garth, "but you should see the train set that guy has in his basement"

A grandfather bought a hobby horse by mail order as a Christmas present for his granddaughter. The toy arrived in 189 pieces. The instructions said that it could be put together in an hour. However it took the old man two days to assemble the toy.

Finally, when it was all put together, he wrote a check, cut it into 189 pieces and mailed it off to the company.

A woman woke up one morning deciding that she hated life and wanted to end it. She went on the top of her roof. As she was about to jump a man called out to him telling him to stop. She asked, "Why shouldn't I jump?" The man replied by saying, "You see I am Santa Claus."

"Are you serious!" the woman replied."

"Of course I am. Don't you see the big belly and the beard."

Convinced that the man was Santa Clause she asked what could she do for him. Santa replied, "I can give you anything you want but you have to give me a kiss." The woman puckered her lips and Santa started to kiss her.

Ten minutes later Santa Claus was still kissing her, when she turned around and asked if Santa was really sure that he was going to give him everything she wanted. Santa Clause replied by saying, "Yes. But let me ask you a question. Does a big girl like you still believe in Santa Claus?"

At Christmastime every girl wants her past forgotten and her present remembered.






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Holiday Jokes and Humor
More Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas Jokes

Halloween | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | Thanksgiving | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 |
Christmas | 1
| 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 |
| 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | Hanukkah | 18 |
Other Occasions and Holidays | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 |


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