What's Cooking?
Martha Stewart Parody


Cooking Jokes and Humor

A couple had been married fifteen years. One afternoon they were working in the garden together. As the wife was bending over pulling weeds, the husband said, "Honey, your butt is getting big. I bet it is as big as the gas grill now." The husband, feeling he needed to prove his point, got a yardstick, measured the grill and then measured his wife's butt. "Yep, he said, "Just what I thought, just about the same size!"

The wife got very incensed and decided to let him do the gardening alone. She went inside and didn't speak to her husband the rest of the day. That evening when they went to bed, the husband cuddled up to his wife, and said, "How about it honey?" How about a little lovemaking?" The wife rolled over and turned her back to him, giving him the cold shoulder.

"What's the matter?" he asked. She replied, "You don't think I am going to fire up this big grill for one little weenie, do you?"

The blonde man was crying at the bar, and the bartender gave him a free drink. "What's the trouble?" asked the friendly bartender.

"I got kicked out of chef school," replied the blonde. "They said I gave them the oldest excuse in the book, and all I did was tell the truth."

"What did you say?" asked the bartender.

To which the chef student answered, "I told them my dog ate my homework."

Wife: The two things I cook best are meatloaf and apple pie.
Husband: Which is this?

Newlywed: Do you want dinner?
Spouse: Sure, what are my choices?
Newlywed: Yes and no.

"My wife has to be the worst cook. In my house, we pray after we eat."
- Rodney Dangerfield

This man comes home from work and his wife whines, "Honey, the dishwasher is broken." He says to her, "Who do I look like - the Whirlpool man?"

A few weeks later, the husband comes home from work and his wife whines, "Honey, the washing machine is broken." He says, "Who do I look like - the Maytag man?"

Another few weeks pass and he comes home from work and she whines, "Honey, the stove is broken." The husband answers, "Who do I look like - the Kenmore man?"

A few more weeks pass. When he comes home from work, his wife looks pretty happy. So he asks her, "What's the matter? Isn't anything broken?"

"No," she says, "Mr. Johnson from next door came over and fixed everything, and all I had to do to repay him was either bake him a cake or go to bed with him."

So what kind of a cake did you make him?" inquired the husband. To which the wife replied, "Who do I look like - Betty Crocker!?!"






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