Make your own free website on Tripod.com

 

 
  Diets & Dieting Humor
Martha Stewart Parody
 
 
   

 

Diet Jokes and Dieting Humor


Food & Exercise FAQs

MrsMegaByte Answers
Common Food and Exercise Questions

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?

A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? ... Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable slop.

Q: Is beer or wine bad for me?

A: Look, it goes to the earlier point about fruits and vegetables. As we all know, scientists divide everything in the world into three categories: animal, mineral, and vegetable. We all know that beer and wine are not animal, and they are not on the periodic table of elements, so that only leaves one thing, right? My advice: Have a burger and a beer and enjoy your liquid vegetables.

Q: How can I calculate my body / fat ratio?

A: Well, if you have a body, and you have body fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?

A: Gee ... I can't think of a single, solitary one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain - No Pain.

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?

A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach. I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had.

 

 

 

 

 

Party!
Home
What's Cooking
Radical Recipes
Foods Facts
Diets & Dieting
Entertaining Tips
Dinner Disasters
Home & Garden
Pet Info & Recipes
Holiday Jokes
Misc. Joking & Trivia
Unique Gift Ideas
Green Jell-O

 
 
Martha Stewart

 

More Diet Jokes and Dieting Humor

Diet Jokes | 1 | 2 | 3 | Humorous Diets | 4 | 5 | 6 |

 

Quark & Martha

Search MrsMegaByte Site Contents Shop for Fine Gifts

 

| Back to the Top of this Page | Back to MrsMegaByte's Home |