Ingredients

1 c. Karo syrup

1/2 tsp. margarine

4 eggs, slightly beaten

1/3 c. Worcestershire sauce

2 Tbs. cocoa

1 small onion

"You-Deserve-It" Stew

Directions:
Set onion aside.

Combine remaining ingredients in medium saucepan and cook on high for 35 minutes prior to husband coming home. Make sure to use old pan.

Burn concoction to an unrecognizable blob. If stench isn't bad enough, add vinegar.

As you see hubby's vehicle approach, cut onion to produce tears. Sob, "I've burned dinner and there's nothing left to cook." Make such a fuss about the day's misgivings that spouse whisks you off to the restaurant of your choice.

Comb hair, apply make-up, adorn beautiful outfit and enjoy, because you deserve it!

Ingredients

1 gallon whiskey

1 cup water

1 cup sugar

4 large eggs

2 cups dried fruit

1 teaspoon baking soda

1 teaspoon salt

1 cup brown sugar

lemon juice

nuts

MrsMegaByte's Favorite Fruitcake

Directions
Sample the whiskey to check for quality...

Take a large bowl. Check the whiskey again to be sure it is of the highest quality. Pour one level cup and drink. Repeat.

Turn on the electric mixer; beat 1 cup butter in a large, fluffy bowl. Add 1 teaspoon sugar and beat again. Make sure the whiskey is still OK. Cry another cup. Turn off mixer. Break 2 legs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.

Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers, pry it loose with adrewscriver. Sample the whiskey to check for tonsisticity. Next, sift 2 cups of salt. Or something. Who cares?

Check the whiskey. Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Spoon. Of sugar or something. Whatever you can find. Grease the oven. Turn the cake tin to 350 degrees. Don't forget to beat off the turner.

Throw the bowl out of the window. Check the whiskey again. Go to bed...

Who the hell likes fruitcake anyway?