Dining, Meal Time, and Restaurant Jokes

A young man at his first job as a waiter in a diner, has a large trucker sit down at the counter and order: "Gimme three flat tires and a couple of headlights."

Bewildered the waiter goes to the kitchen and tells the cook, "I think this guy's in the wrong store, look at what he ordered!"

The cook says, "He wants three pancakes and two eggs sunny-side up."

The waiter takes a bowl of beans to the trucker. He looks at it and growls, "What's this? I didn't order this!"

The young man tells him, "The cook says that while you're waiting for your parts you might as well gas up!"

Wife: "You look tired, Honey. How about a nice steak, mashed potatoes and an apple pie for dessert?"

Husband: "No thanks. I'm too tired. Let's just eat home."

Did you hear about the restaurant that promotes safe sex? They write the bill on a condom. In that way you can wine and dine your date, and stick her with the bill.

Did you hear about the gourmet who avoids unfashionable restaurants ... because he doesn't want to gain weight in the wrong places.

Did you hear about the cannibal who had a wife and eight kids?

"In Japan, a 70 year-old man was choking on a rice cake when his relatives stuck a powerful vacuum cleaner hose down his throat, turned it on, sucked out the rice cake, and saved his life. I bet this guy is glad he wasn't constipated."
- Jay Leno

Was it a good party? That is what's on everyone's mind today when you run into them. "Oh, you went to that party. Was it a good party?"

What constitutes a good party? No one ever goes to a frat party and rates the munchies or grades the pee water coming out of the keg. It's just the annoying way of saying, "Did you hook up?"

So, if someone asks this typical crap, just say: "Aside from the threesome, everything pretty much sucked."

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