Dining, Meal Time, and Restaurant Jokes

A guy goes into a restaurant / lounge wearing a shirt open at the collar and is met by a bouncer who tells him he must wear a necktie to gain admission.

So the guy goes out to his car and he looks around for a necktie and discovers that he just doesn't have one. He sees a set of jumper cables in his trunk. In desperation he ties these around his neck, manages to fashion a fairly acceptable looking knot and lets the ends dangle free.

He goes back to the restaurant and the bouncer carefully looks him over for a few minutes and then says, "Well, okay, I guess you can come in ... Just don't start anything."

"Waiter!" shouted the furious diner, "How dare you serve me this! There's a damn TWIG in my soup!"

"My apologies," said the waiter. "I'll inform the branch manager."

Maury, looking as if he had lost his last friend, entered a restaurant one morning and sat down at a table. He said to the waitress, "Bring me two eggs fried hard, a slice of toast burned to a cinder, and a cup of very weak coffee."

As she set the order in front of him, she asked, "Anything else, sir?" "Yes," he answered, "now sit down and nag me. I'm homesick."

Q: What does a man consider a seven course meal?
A: A hot dog and a six pack.

Q: Why do they say that eating yogurt and oysters will improve your sex life?
A: Because if you'll eat that stuff, you'll eat anything.

Two lawyers went into a diner and ordered two drinks. Then they produced sandwiches from their briefcases and started to eat. The waiter became quite concerned and marched over and told them, "You can't eat your own sandwiches in here!"

The attorneys looked at each other, shrugged their shoulders and then exchanged sandwiches.

An out-of-towner in New York at the height of the tourist season decided to revisit an uptown restaurant he'd enjoyed on a previous trip to the city. Finally catching the eye of an overworked waiter, he said, "You know, it's been over five years since I first came in here."

"You'll have to wait your turn, sir," replied the harried and now irritated waiter, "I can only serve one table at a time."

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