Truly Trivial: Jokes, Humor, and Trivia for the Martha Stewart Impaired

Miscellaneous Jokes, Humor and Trivia for the
"Martha Stewart Living Impaired"

Many years ago, a baker's assistant called Richard the Pourer, whose job it was to pour the dough mixture in the making of sausage rolls, noted that he was running low on one of the necessary spices, sent his apprentice to the store to buy more.

Unfortunately, upon arriving at the shop the young man realized that he had forgotten the name of the ingredient. All he could do was to tell the shopkeeper that it was "for Richard the Pourer, for batter for wurst."

Martha Stewart said to her butcher, "Those sausages you sold me yesterday were meat at one end and nothing but cornmeal at the other end."

The butcher replied, "Well, Martha, you know how it is ... It's difficult these days to make both ends meat."

Q: What happens when you fall in love with a green grocer?
A: He gets fresh with you.

Martha Stewart walks into a butcher shop, taps her fingers arrogantly on the counter and says, "Butcher, I want a Long Island Duckling." The butcher walks to the back room, grabs a duck off the shelf and places it down in front of the woman.

She promptly takes her right hand and inserts two fingers into the rear end of the duck and says, "Butcher, this is NOT a Long Island duckling. It is a Pittsburgh duckling. I DO NOT WANT a Pittsburgh duckling - take it back."

The butcher mutters under his breath, grabs the duck, goes to the back room, grabs a different duck, and plops it down on the counter. Martha Stewart again inserts two fingers up the duck's rear and disgustingly says, "Butcher, THIS IS NOT A LONG ISLAND DUCKLING - IT IS BOSTON DUCKLING - TAKE IT BACK!"

By this time, the butcher is really steamed. He grabs another duck off the shelf and practically throws it at Martha. Once again, she inserts two fingers up the duck's rear and says, "Well finally you brought me a Long Island duckling. I'll take it. Wrap it up."

The butcher, seething, wraps up the duck and then the Martha arrogantly asks, "Butcher, how long have you worked here?" He replies, "Two months."

"And where are you from?" she asks. At which point, he pulls down his pants, turns his butt toward her and says, "WHY DON'T YOU TELL ME!"

Party!