Jokes, Humor, and Trivia for the Martha Stewart Impaired

Miscellaneous Jokes, Humor and Trivia for the
"Martha Stewart Living Impaired"

There was an airplane full of a shipment of Pepsi flying somewhere over Africa. Suddenly the plane had a malfunction, and went down somewhere.

A few weeks later, PepsiCo sent a rescue plane out to look for the lost plane. They found the wreckage, but were unable to locate the crew. They searched the area and found a tribe of cannibals. They walked up to the chief of the tribe and asked him if he knew anything about the crash. The chief replies, "Yes." When asked where the crew was, the chief replied, "We ate the crew, and we drank the Pepsi."

The Rescue crew was shocked. One man asked, "Did you eat their legs?" The chief replied, "We ate their legs, and we drank the Pepsi."

Another rescuer asked, "Did you eat their arms?" The chief said, "We ate their arms, and we drank the Pepsi."

After looking totally perplexed for a minute, a third asked, "Did you ... you know ... eat their 'things?'" The chief says, "No."

"No?" asked the rescuers. "No," replied the chief, "'THINGS' go better with Coke."

I took my fingers and slowly, gently stretched it apart. It was so pure and white. I licked it once, twice...

I found I couldn't stop. I licked it faster and faster, and harder. I began to scrape my teeth against it. There it was, in my mouth! All sweet and creamy.

I was done - I threw away the outsides of my Oreo cookie!

I squeezed it gently at first, then a little bit harder. There seemed to be more and more of it. I moved it towards my lips. It was a strange and new sensation for me.

Then I put it in my mouth and moved it around and around with my tongue. The time soon came when I knew I had to spit it out. It was quite an experience ... the first time that I tasted toothpaste.

Party!