Jokes, Humor, and Trivia for the Martha Stewart Impaired

Miscellaneous Jokes, Humor and Trivia for the
"Martha Stewart Living Impaired"

It was many years ago since the embarrassing day when a young woman, with a baby in her arms, entered his butcher shop and confronted the butcher with the news that the baby was his and asked what was he going to do about it.

Finally he offered to provide her with free meat until the boy was sixteen. She agreed.

The old butcher had been counting the years off on his calendar, and one day the teenager, who had been collecting the meat each week, came into the shop and said, "I'll be sixteen tomorrow."

"I know," said the butcher with a smile, "I've been counting, too. Tell your mother, when you take this parcel of meat home, that it is the last free meat she'll get, and watch the expression on her face!"

When the boy arrived home he told his mother what the butcher had said. The woman nodded and replied, "Son, go back to the butcher and tell him I have also had free bread, free milk, and free groceries for the last sixteen years, and watch the expression on his face!"

Martha Stewart was picking through the frozen turkeys at the organic grocery store, but couldn't find one big enough for the crowd she was expecting. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"

The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."

An irate woman burst into the baker's shop and said, "I sent my son in for two pounds of cookies this morning, but when I weighed them there was only one pound. I suggest that you check your scales."

The baker looked at her calmly for a moment or two and then replied, "And I, Madam, suggest that you weigh your son."

The supermarket is a place where you can spend thirty minutes hunting for instant coffee.

Party!