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Entertaining Tips, Advice, and Party Pointers
MrsMegaByte's Advice for Life
Cooking lesson #1: don't fry bacon in the nude.
You are what you eat. So stay away from the jerk chicken.
Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue.
Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat
them.
Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle
of it.
Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors, and
miss.
Never buy a car you can't push.
Drive carefully. It's not only cars that can be recalled by their maker.
Eat a live toad in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you
for the rest of the day.
If life gives you lemons, squeeze the juice into a water gun and shoot
other people in the eyes.
If you're not part of the solution, be part of the problem!
If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
If you can't beat your computer at chess, try kick boxing.
If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it was probably
worth it.
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car
payments.
If you try and don't succeed, cheat. Repeat until caught. Then lie.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning
to others.
Never eat yellow snow.
The early worm gets eaten by the bird, so sleep late.
Never pet a burning dog.
Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you
don't have a leg to stand on.
Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and annoys the
pig.
Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a
suitable application of high explosives.
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Be nice to the nerds and geeks in high school - you'll be working for
them in the future.
As you journey through life take a minute every now and then to give
a thought for the other fellow. He could be plotting something.
The people who are late are usually much jollier than the people who
have to wait for them.
Dry cleaners are often pressed for time.
People who give up smoking are a lot like people spending their first
day at a nudist colony in that they are not quite sure what to do with
their hands...
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