How to Survive the Holidays - Holiday Humor

Christmas Jokes

Why a Christmas Tree is Better Than a Man

1. A Christmas tree is always erect.

2. Even small ones give satisfaction.

3. A Christmas tree stays up for twelve days and nights.

4. A Christmas tree always looks good - even with the lights on.

5. A Christmas tree is always happy with its size.

6. A Christmas tree has cute balls.

7. A Christmas tree doesn't get mad if you break one of its balls.

8. You can throw a Christmas tree out when it's past its 'sell by' date.

9. You don't have to put up with a Christmas tree all year.

Christmas Trees Are Better Than Women Because:

1. A Christmas tree doesn't care how many other Christmas trees you have had in the past.

2. Christmas trees don't get mad if you use exotic electrical devices.

3. A Christmas tree doesn't care if you have an artificial one in the closet.

4. You can feel a Christmas tree before you take it home.

5. A Christmas tree doesn't get mad if you look up underneath it.

6. When you are done with a Christmas tree, you can throw it on the curb and have it hauled away.

7. A Christmas tree doesn't get jealous around other Christmas trees.

8. A Christmas tree doesn't care if you watch football all day.

9. A Christmas tree doesn't get mad if you tie it up and throw it in the back of your pickup truck.

The Santa Claus at the mall was very surprised when a young lady about twenty years old walked up and sat on his lap. Santa doesn't usually take requests from adults, but she smiled very nicely at him, so he asked her, "What do you want for Christmas?"

"Something for my mother," said the young lady.

"Something for your mother? Well, that's very thoughtful of you," smiled Santa. "What do you want me to bring her?"

Without blinking she replied, "A son-in-law!"

Halloween | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | Thanksgiving | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 |
Christmas | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 |
| 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | Hanukkah | 18 |
Other Occasions and Holidays | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 |