How to Survive the Holidays - Holiday Humor

Christmas Jokes

Why Santa Can't Possibly Be a Man:

Men can't pack a bag.

Men would rather be dead than caught wearing red velvet.

Men would feel their masculinity is threatened ... having to be seen with all those elves.

Men don't answer their mail.

Men would refuse to allow their physique to be described even in just as anything remotely resembling a "bowl full of jelly."

Men aren't interested in stockings unless somebody's wearing them.

Having to do the Ho-Ho-Ho thing would seriously inhibit their ability to pick up women.

Finally, being responsible for Christmas would require a commitment.

Q: Why is Christmas just like a day at the office?
A: You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.

Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
A: Frostbite.

Q: Why was Santa's little helper depressed?
A: Because he had low elf esteem.

Q: What do you get when you cross an archer with a gift-wrapper?
A: Ribbon hood.

Q: What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?
A: Claustrophobic.

Q: What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
A: Snowflakes.

Q: What do you get if you deep-fry Santa Claus?
A: Crisp Cringle.

The weary holiday traveler looked in disbelief at a bunch of mistletoe hanging above the luggage at the check-in counter. Turning to the attendant he said, "I like your mistletoe. Is it for customers or only personnel?"

"Neither," she said. "It's so you can kiss your luggage goodbye."

Halloween | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | Thanksgiving | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 |
Christmas | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 |
| 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | Hanukkah | 18 |
Other Occasions and Holidays | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 |