How to Survive the Holidays - Holiday Humor

Christmas Jokes

Rules for Christmas Presents

1. If it doesn't run off the house electric, batteries are never included.

2. If it does run off the house electric, a plug is never included.

3. Everything is designed to break by December 26.

4. If you can wear it, it's the wrong size.

5. If it fits, the color is never right.

6. Santa Claus is an incorrigible practical joker.

Be naughty ... Save Santa the trip!

"Make sure you get your children exactly what they ask for (for Christmas), even if you disapprove of their choices. If your child thinks he wants Murderous Bob, the Doll with the Face You Can Rip Right Off, you'd better get it. You may be worried that it might help to encourage your child's antisocial tendencies, but believe me, you have not seen antisocial tendencies until you've seen a child who is convinced that he or she did not get the right gift."

- Dave Barry

This year, if Santa comes into town after midnight and it's jingle bells all the way, he'd probably be arrested, because ours is a "Low Noise Zone" after 11pm.

Santa goes down the chimney because it soots him.

Halloween | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | Thanksgiving | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 |
Christmas | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 |
| 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | Hanukkah | 18 |
Other Occasions and Holidays | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 |