How to Survive the Holidays - Holiday Humor

Christmas Jokes

Santa Pick-Up Lines

Hey Babe, when was the last time you did it in a sleigh?

Wanna see my 12-inch elf?

I've got something special in the sack for you!

Ever make it with a fat guy with a whip?

I know when you've been bad or good - so let's skip the small talk, sister!

Some of my best toys run on batteries...

Interested in seeing the "North Pole"? (Well, that's what the Mrs. calls it!)

I see you when you're sleeping - and you don't wear any underwear, do you?

Screw the "nice" list - I've got you on my "naughty" list!

Wanna join the "Mile High" club?

Top 10 Uses for Holiday Fruitcakes

10. Use slices to balance that wobbly kitchen table.

9. Use instead of sand bags during El Nino.

8. Send to U.S. Air Force, let troops drop them.

7. Use as railroad ties.

6. Use as speed bumps to foil the neighborhood drag racers.

5. Collect ten and use them as bowling pins.

4. Use instead of cement shoes.

3. Save for next summer's garage sale.

2. Use slices in next skeet-shooting competition.

1. Two words: pin cushion.

Halloween | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | Thanksgiving | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 |
Christmas | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 |
| 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | Hanukkah | 18 |
Other Occasions and Holidays | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 |