How to Survive the Holidays - Holiday Humor

New Year's Day Jokes

"You need to make a New Year's Resolution to GET ORGANIZED. As Benjamin Franklin so aptly put it, in one of his pithy maxims: 'If a man be organized, then that man be a lot more organized than the man whom do not be as organized as the first man I was talking about earlier in this maxim.' Or words to that effect. I have the exact quote around here somewhere."

- Dave Barry

New Year Resolutions
That You Might Actually Be Able to Keep

I promise not to use Prune Juice for his Pancake syrup on Football Sunday.

I resolve never to tell my husband "I told you so" for the first three days of the new year.

I resolve never to embarrass my husband by wearing "cheap" jewelry and clothes.

I resolve never to work in the kitchen so I can look my best when he comes home.

I shall not laugh (out loud) at all the "how great it was fishing / hunting stories" this coming season.

I vow not to "play in his garage" whenever he offers to help "whip up something for supper."

I resolve never to take the dog for a walk because he is a man's best friend.

I resolve never to give the cats a bath because my hubby needs to be scratched.

I shall not repeat (more than twice) "I told you so" when he trips over his untied shoe laces.

As in many homes on New Year's Day, my wife and I faced the annual conflict of which was more important - the football games on television, or the dinner itself. To keep peace, I ate dinner with the rest of the family, and even lingered for some pleasant after-dinner conversation before retiring to the family room to turn on the game.

Several minutes later, my wife came downstairs and graciously even bought a cold beer for me with her. She smiled, kissed me on the cheek and asked what the score was. I told her it was the end of the third quarter and that the score was still nothing to nothing.

"See?" she said, continuing to smile, "You didn't miss a thing."

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